


A Trining Carol

by WrittenInCinnamon



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Alien Culture, Angst, Angst and Feels and Fluff, Dreams and Nightmares, Existential Angst, Gen, Ghosts of Christmas, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Character Death, Seeker Trines, Seeker culture, Starscream needs a hug, True Meaning of Christmas, actually everyone needs a hug here, and past war crimes, because being difficult is Starscream's hobby, it's Transformers it was hard to avoid, just trust me on that one, this is basicallly A Christams Carol but Starscream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27730801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenInCinnamon/pseuds/WrittenInCinnamon
Summary: When Starscream dismisses spending the Vosian holiday of the Trining with his trinemates this vorn, arguing Vos isn't even a thing anymore, something slowly convinces him otherwise over his recharge cycles...---Or, basically, the Transformers-verse Christmas Carol parody nobody asked for.
Relationships: Cassettes & Soundwave (Transformers), Skywarp & Starscream & Thundercracker (Transformers), implied Skyfire/Starscream
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	1. Prolouge

"Aww, come on, Screamer!" Skywarp whined as the SiC of the Decepticons tried to work on a very delicate experiment.

"For the last time, no." he replied to his trinemate sternly.

"It's once in a vorn thing!" the purple seeker exclaimed.

"And it happens to be on a day I will have a lot of work. Work mandated by our mighty leader, Lord Megatron. Redirect any complaints to him." the other snapped. 

"Is a stupid war more important than your trine?" Skywarp snapped back.

Starscream hesitated. It was tempting to yell 'yes', just to spite the walking nuisance, but honestly, there were a lot of way more trivial things that he'd deem more important than the war.

"No. But it's just random three days of the vorn. We see eachother everyday anyway." he sighed, finally turning around to look his trinemate in the optics.

The purple seeker looked... dejected.

"Yeah... sure." came the lame reply and the mech awkwardly warped away.

Good. They were slowly running out of resources- Well, more than usual. It was also causing the morale to go tumbling down. He had to make plans now, not celebrate the Trining.

It was an outdated holiday by now anyway. It was exclusive to Vos, so since the City Of Fliers' towers fell, it wasn't officially recognized anywhere. And how many Vosians were there left even? Around twenty? That was a pathetic (and depressing) amount.

No, he definitively didn't have three days to spare for such a thing.

\---

It was 3am when Starscream got back to his private quarters. And he was absolutely exhausted. 

Complying with this mudball's measly 24 hour full rotation has really made them all get used to sleeping more. A Cybertronian day was worth at least three Earth days. Pathethic, how they weakened themselves.

Of course, it didn't mean he'd recharge for long now. He still had a scrapton of stuff to do. He couldn't help but remember how Skywarp said the Trining starts tommorow. The first day of the holiday was supposed to be for relaxing and having fun. Yeah, right. That won't be the case this vorn.

He would like to say he had energy left to rant more, but he really didn't.

In fact, hardly had he laid down on his berth when recharge claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But WrittenInCinnamon, it's November! Why are you posting A Christmas Carol parody-"  
> Shh. The thing is 5 chapters long and to post the last one on Christmas, I gotta start now. Also I'm already seeing Christmas ads, so it's fair-
> 
> ANYWAY, this is an idea I've had a month ago. The second chapter is already in the works. And I plan to post one each week. Hope you enjoy it! ^^


	2. Trinings Of The Past

"Star..." a familiar voice called through the fog.

"Oh, Star..." it said familiarly. Very familiarly. Painfully familiarly.

A voice he had not heard for far too long.

Starscream's optics flashed online surprisingly easily, but for a moment the seeker didn't believe they had. The white shuttle in his quarters had to be a hallucination.

He rebooted his visual feed. 

Then did it again. And again. And just to make sure, once more.

The familiar giant did not disappear.

"Skyfire!?" he finally exclaimed, his voicebox's pitch rising so high it was glitching out. "That is impossible! Y-you are buried under the ice of some Primus-foresaken backwater planet!"

"Well," the mech that could not possibly be Skyfire began. "I suppose I'd take the form of something that you feel is in the past."

"Who the frag are you??" Starscream questioned while getting up from his berth. "An Autobot spy? Reading my thoughts to choose a form you knew that would shock me?" he continued and pointed his null-rays at the white mech. In the back of his processor, he was surprised it all felt like it was nothing, even though he usually struggled with getting up in the morning, even when there was an emergency.

The... thing smiled warmly and shook its head. "Starscream, I am the Ghost of Trinings Past."

"What the frag is THAT supposed to mean?" he snarked, albeit lowered his blaster a little. He was oddly... accepting of such an explanation, even though he was the mech who wouldn't recognize trust if it shoved him into a corner and hit him in the faceplate.

"Stop analyzing everything so much, Star," the so-called 'ghost' grabbed his servo. "Instead, how about we go on a flight?" he asked.

"Well, even if I agree, why do you need to hold me like a sparkl-"

Starscream never got to finish this sentance, as the two jumped up and went through the ceilling. And not breaking through, they actually phased through the thing.

And if that wasn't enough, on the other side of the metal barrier, they didn't find the mudball they recently found themselves stranded on. 

It was Vos.

Beautiful, untoppled, living Vos.

With the impossibly tall towers holding hundreads of floors, and bridges connecting them mid-point, and fliers of all shapes and sizes zooming through the air, going about their daily business.

With this view and a mech looking exactly like Skyfire by his side, it was easy to forget about the war. Get lost in the past.

The 'ghost' then flew forward, towards the city center, Starscream recalled, somehow pulling the seeker's form with him.

Just flying over Vos again was... it was... Primus, he could not put it into words. Relaxing. Liberating. Just... right.

They stopped right in front of the Lord's Tower, the tallest building in all of Vos and the Winglord's residence.

"Look down," not-Skyfire (Starscream had to remind himself of that) said softly.

And look down he did, seeing the Trining Festival in full swing beneath his feet.

Wordlessly, they descended onto the ground. The other mechs wandering about phased right through them. So they were, as he suspected, inperceivable.

He looked around at the familiar candy sellers with their amateurly build booths, street performers, some places selling highgrade. Some of those business owners came all the way from Iacon or Praxus, knowing how many customers they would get here on this day.

And there were seekers of all ages, from those millenias old, who might as well remember Solus Prime, to curious sparklings, barely emerged out of the Well.

"Are we...?" Starscream whispered, still mesmerized by the fact that he just can see it all again.

"Yes. It's Vos, Star," his guide said as he placed his much bigger servo on Starscream's shoulder. "And look who we see," he added and gestured with his head to a small red-white-blue seekerlet sneaking around with a devilish smirk and some credits in his tiny servos.

Starscream could definitively tell who the troublemaker was.

He didn't need any prompting from the 'ghost' to follow his younger self.

The sparklig, with determination in his optics, walked up to a rust stick stand, his optics staring into the shopkeeper's very spark with demand-

Or at least that's what the seekerlet thought at the time. Grown-up Starscream could only say the tiny bot was, well, cute (his appearance was astounding no matter the age, afterall.)

"And what can I do for you, bitlet?" the vendor, a gray and blue shuttle with purple optics, asked and smiled encouragingly.

"What do you think I would want?" he replied with a laughably adorkable attempt at a sneer. After a klik of no response the sparkling exclaimed "Rust stick! I want a rust stick."

"Alright." the big mech said and turned to make the popular treat.

The silence should've been easy, yet somehow it was uncomfortable, at least for the seekerlet.

The shopkeeper must've caught on on this as he spoke up again "So where's your caretaker, bitlet?"

"My caretaker has a very important job so he's too busy for such trivial matters as getting me a treat!" the tiny flier exclaimed, almost like it was something to be happy about. The present Starscream felt stupid that he ever said something like this. Not even sure why. It just sounded wrong.

"Maybe because family is more important than work?" the 'ghost' whispered almost smugly.

"Shut your intake, Sky," he grumbled in response.

"Besides," his past self continued. "I'm smart and strong and fast and I don't need him to buy a rust stick."

"If you say so," the grey-blue shuttle's previously cheery smile turned sad. He took the almost finished rust stick and asked "Gold or mercury dip?" 

It looked like the seekerlet was almost intimidated by the unexpected question, but schooled his features quickly and put a servo over his chin, trying to look like those older mechs when they think over something.

"And which is, uh, better?" the youngling finally said, his wings giving an embarrassed twitch.

The vendor chuckled and supplied "Well, sparklings usually like gold flavor because it's sweeter."

"Then I'll have that." Starscream said, visibly trying hard to make his tiny frame look dignified.

The rust stick had been placed in his servo and the seekerlet studied it, those naturally curious optics trying to explore every inch of the treat. Then he suddenly jolted as he remembered he had to pay and placed the credits on the booth's table.

"Is this your first rust stick?" the vendor asked casually.

"Yeah," young Starscream replied. "I noticed that there are sellers on this day of the vorn every vorn, so I came to have a taste."

"Do you know why they are here on this exact day?" the mech asked, getting a surprised look from the seekerlet.

"Of course I do!" the sparkling exclaimed, chin pointing up and back held straight.

"Yes?" the shuttle smirked. "Then explain."

The present Staracream would have replied with something evasive like 'What, do you not know?' or said 'None of your business' or just straight up walked away. But his younger self had yet a lot to learn in the lying department. And thus, the seekerlet stayed silent.

The vendor chuckled lightly before clarifying "The shops are here because of The Trining Festival, which had become almost synonymous with the Pre-Cycle."

The little bot's red optics, earlier more focused on the treat, which he was now giving an experimental nibble, confusedly met with the big mech's purple ones.

There was a moment of silence and Statscream almost zoned back to the snack when the vendor asked in a disbelieving tone "You don't know about the Trining? But aren't you a seeker?"

"Of course I'm a seeker!" the seekerlet exclaimed. "And I will be a grat one! Fast! Fastest bot you've ever seen!"

The present Starscream couldn't help the smug smile that bloomed on his lips because that seemingly childish claim is Pit-damned exactly what he did.

Meanwhile the shuttle (the one that didn't look like Skyfire), on the other hand, looked shocked. There was even startled silence as the sparkling took a chomp out of his treat and pouted at the audacity of the unsignificant, filthy, low-caste shuttle-- at least that's what he thought of the mech as a youngster still brainwashed by the system.

"Well, bitlet," the vendor began, visibly trying to sound casual. "The Trining is a holiday during which seekers assemble their trines- You'll be able to observe it tommorow! There will be thousands of adolescent seekers shooting into the skies to find the mechs with which they will want to spend their function with," he told the seekerlet and then added "The sight's almost magical. I don't know how they do it, but it's almost like a dance guided by... fate, really."

The tiny bot's servos were squeezing the rust stick tightly as his optics stared intently at the bigger mech, wide with fascination.

"And?" not-Skyfire snapped him out of watching the scene.

"And what?" the seeker sneered. "I watched my sparklinghood self. Okay. What was the point."

"Well, do you agree with what he said?" the 'ghost' clarified, his attitude fittingly patient. "Is it magical?"

"Hardly. That's just what you tell seekerlets so that they aren't anxious about it, obviously," Starscream replied stubbornly, crossing his arms over his cockpit and wings flared in a dominant position.

"Well," the shuttle hummed. "Let's go a few vorns and a cycle later."

They shot up to the sky again at speeds that were definitively outlawed, but oh well. Flying through Cybertronian skies almost made him forget that he'd been annoyed just seconds ago.

They were about to go through the clouds and Starscream braced himself for the refreshing feeling of droplets covering his plating. When they did burst through the cloud, one, it did feel just as amazing as always, and two, they were somehow flying towards the ground now, despite never having taken a turn. Then again, they had time-traveled. Weird space shifts were hardly a stretch.

Below them, despite still being clearly in Vos, the skies were empty of mechs. There were, however, thousands of seekers standing all over the bridges, balconies, even rooftops.

And they were all waiting for the Sun to rise above the horizon. The anticipation was contagious. In just a few kliks, they would begin the hunt for life partners.

Finally, a black-purple seeker eagerly shot into the sky, a blue-yellow one right after him, and then a cherry red one near them, and more and more seekers started covering Vos' skies.

Starscream watched the show- that's what an observer could call it. It was chaos, like you'd expect, but it almost looked like a choreographed chaos. Carefully designed to entice. Maybe it was just in their coding? Starscream didn't know, although he'd taken part already.

As if right on cue, a certain mech flew right through them (and that's a feeling Starscream hoped to never experiance again.)

Familair red-white-blue paintjob, a bit shorter in the height department, curves a bit less defined, but definitively classifiable as a mech now - Starscream. Or, more specifically, the 10 vorns old version of himself.

They wordlessly followed the speeding seeker, as he dived downwards and started circling a light gray-grayish blue conehead, signaling he wants to claim-- wait was that Ramjet? Primus, he'd almost claimed Ramjet. Good luck THAT didn't happen.

And Starscream didn't need any 'ghost'-induced flashbacks to know it was only by chance. His memory had been reaffirmed when a black-purple seeker began cycling the conehead parallel to him. Skywarp began cycling the conehead parallel to him.

Ramjet must've found none of them appealing (glitch.) as he suddenly slowed to let the two majorly outspeed him and lose him before they understand what happened. The remaining two should've separated and gone on their way to find another mech to trine with.

But they didn't.

What they did instead was circle eachother.

There was a subtle battle of dominance here. They both wanted to be trineleader in this arrangement (no, they did not know when they decided it's an arrangement that is happening at all) and neither would give it up easily. They stared eachother in the optics. Tensely.

Young Starscream broke formation and dived to catch the other, but Skywarp, mind-boggingly at the time, warped a few meters away. It wasn't an escape. It was a challange. And if there's ever been one way to have Starscream do nigh-anything, it was by making it a challange. Not that he needed any additional motivation in this particular case.

A close chase ensued, with the outlier warping just out of reach every time his pursuer got just a tiny bit too close. But the tri-coloured seeker's code would not let him give up. He tried for his thrusters to burn hotter, faster, more, even though they already had been at top speeds. It seemed outsmarting the black-purple jet was required.

No better options had young Starscream had than to figure out his prospective trinemate's pattern. 

...Yes, yes, he definitively had w pattern. 

Now just bait him into going where he wanted him to be.

And present Starscream knew it had worked without needing to see it.

The past self managed to wrap his sevos around Skywarp, catching him. Claiming him. They stared into eachother's red optics for a moment, before the outlier flashed a playful grin and introduced himself "Name's Skywarp. You?"

"Starscream," the tri-coloured seeker replied. Then, after a moment he added "You have a really useful outlier, by the way."

"Useful, annoying, opinions differ," Skywarp chuckled and the two unwrapped from eachother. They could've technically still ran, but...

Starscream remembered how it wouldn't have felt right to disengage. Skywarp seemed full of energy, something he had valued in mechs back then. He still sort of did. 'Do it with passion or don't do it at all', afterall.

The two flew off together to catch their third, although the present version of himself knew ot wouldn't be until next vorn's Trining until they actually ran into Thundercracker and actually bonded. Well, his two trinemates had known eachother beforehand as sparklinghood friends or something, but it apparently did not cross their processors that they might be trine. Nonetheless they trined the next vorn. Their bond used to be so strong back then, they could feel eachother's faintest flicks of emotion. Pit, they could pretty much speak through it. What had happened-?

"Indeed, what happened?" not-Skyfire asked. (Starscream elected to ignore the logistics of the 'ghost' commenting on his internal dialogue. He was in all likelihood hallucinating anyway.)

"Oh, come on, all bonds become weaker after the goldmoon phase," the seeker waved him off. 

"They don't have to," the shuttle countered. "And spending time together helps that."

"I do spend time with my trine!" the seeker shrieked indignantly. He had the right to be offended though! They lived on the same blasted ship, they were practically together all vorn! How dare this high-and-mighty 'ghost' convince him otherwise-!?

"Are you close with Megatron too, then?"

Starscream did not know which statement was more outrageous, but he did know both were bordering on causing his glitched voicebox to shut off.

"Your processor must be still frozen over, because I wouldn't call what that rusted Buckethead any kind of closeness!" he exclaimed, barely noticing the landscape around them shift yet again.

"Would you call only being in the same room closeness?" not-Skyfire continued to question.

Starscream went quiet. If he says no, he proves the afthelm's point. If he says yes, he classifies Megatron as a friend, which is just a no. How can he prove his point?

Maybe he can't prove his point. Maybe his point can't be proven because it's wrong--

No, that'd be ridiculous.

Starscream onlined the optics he didn't register offlining for the sake of looking defiant but apparently he did.

What greeted him wasn't Vos anymore, but Iacon.

Or, more specifically, a familiar, cramped apartment in Iacon. And it had two more residents than usual.

Thundercracker and Skywarp were sitting on the couch, watching the teleconsole. Skywarp was cheering on the gladiatorial match (Was that Soundwave fighting there?) and munching on sodium crackers, while Thundercracker was only observing absent-mindedly.

Starscream glanced around, but found noone else.

"Where-" he began, but stopped himself. "wait, no, when are we?"

"Be patient," was the reply he received. "Primus knows that's another lesson you need," was added with a smirk and the seeker was ready to defend his pride, when someone busted through the apartment's door.

And, to no surprise, that someone was past Starscream.

"Alright, I'm back, mechs," the seeker exclaimed hurriedly. "I wish I could've been here all day, but I had to turn in that glitched assignment today and-"

"Easy, Star," Thundercracker cut him off, putting his servos up placatingly. "We know. Iacon doesn't recognize the Trining as a holiday. You couldn't get a day off."

"Yeah!" Skywarp exclaimed, turning away from the teleconsole briefly to look at his trineleader. "That's why we used our Vosian vacation time to visit you, right?"

"Right," Starscream sighed and smiled just slightly. "What are you two doing?" he asked, then after looking at Skywarp's servos added "Besides stealing Skyfire's sodium crackers, that is."

"Hey! He agreed for us to come over here for whole three days, so he agreed we might consume his fuel," Skywarp defended himself, which got a chuckle out of the other two.

Starscream inserted himself in-between the two on the couch, while Thundercracker simply said "We were watching matches."

"I almost don't need the bond to read your enthusiasm." Starscream remarked with a teasing smirk.

"You know I'm not really a fan of blood sports..." Thundercracker trailed off.

The slight discomfort coming from their blue trinemate could not be denied. Thus, Starscream picked up the remote and changed channels.

"Hey-!" came a shout muffled by half-munched snacks.

"My apartment, my teleconsole, I choose what we watch." the tri-coloured mech said smugly, smiling in that particular way at Skywarp as he flipped through news, racing, (inferior to the Vosian ones) teledramas and other scrap. He sometimes wondered how Skyfire even functioned through his sparklinghood watching this slag.

While flipping through absent-mindedly, all three grew sleepy. Wings and shoulders slumped, heads lolled, optics flickered and soon there was a pile of seekers dirtied in spilled snacks on the couch, with some reimagining of classic literature movie playing on.

But cleaning that up would be future Starscream's problem. In that instant, the seeker was just content to feel his two nigh-brothers' sparks beside his own.

"You used to try so much harder to find time for them," his guide commented so quietly, yet deafening in the peaceful room.

The commander did not reply.

"You enjoyed the Pre-Cycle since sparklinghood and the much needed break from everything it always brought," the shuttle said. "You had no doubts you'll find sparks just for you during the Trining Flight," he continued. "And no matter what, you found a way to spend just a bit of time on the Day Of Threes each vorn. To appreciate the bond you've forged all this time ago."

The silence was deafening. And suffocating. Everything around them faded into void. It was just Starscream and 'the Ghost of Trinings Past'. Them, the void, and thoughts. 

It was unsettling. His spark pulsed as if it was trying to get out of his torso and fill the empitenss at all cost. Starscream hated those situations. No way of diversion, no authority card to pull, no distractions.

"What happened, Star?"

Just the question, echoing through the emptiness.

But Starscream was stubborn. His spark was stubborn. Stubborn and strong and he will have his way.

As he desperately latched onto the thought, the void around them started to shift. Although it was no less empty of a landscape.

Around them lay Vos. Fallen Vos.

Toppled towers. Scrap lying around. Ash swirling through the air.

And an eerie silence Starscream promptly broke. "Celebrating was fun," he first admitted.

"But," he continued after a brief pause. "Noone will take part in it now," he wanted to stop himself from continuing, but he could not. "Only idiots like Skywarp and saps like Thundercracker would want to distract themselves in the middle of a war!"

No notice was taken by the seeker about the ash covering more and more of his field of vision or the mech who looked so painfully like Skyfire wincing. Why should he? This wasn't real and these were lies and he's just stressed and his protocols started manifesting as deactivated mechs in his mind telling him to relax. But that's just his frame. His basic systems. They were stupid, didn't know what was right and he would not give in--

\---

Starscream snapped back into consciousness.

His optics did not online immadiently though - and that's how he knew he woke up for real. As his damged over the vorns sensors slowly came online, he fiercely fought to keep his dream out of his processor. It meant nothing. He was stressed, but he still needed to pull through and--

...was this coolant his faceplate sensor net reported detecting something wet about?

Finally, his optics came online and a nanoklik later movement became possible. He quickly wiped what he would later deny was, indeed, coolant from himself.

He got up and checked his chronometer. It's morning.

Starscream exited his quarters and went straight to the bridge, hoping noone would walk past him on his way there or he might just blow up at some undeserving foot soldier.

"Fly High, commander," the traditional greeting as Ramjet passed him stunned the tri-coloured seeker.

"I- uh," he stuttered. "Fly High," he simply replied and speed-walked towards the bridge even more vigorously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this is a longer one-  
> I hope it didn't turn too much into exposition. Like, I needed to explain a holiday I made up, but at the same time couldn't linger on it too much, since all the characters present know already and explanations would be weird- and also this is supposed to be focused on emotion. Let me know if you think it's balanced alright!  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! ^^


	3. Trining Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *sets myself a schedule on when to update this fic*  
> Also me: *fails to meet it three chapters in*
> 
> Ugh, I'm sorry. Note to self, don't schedule day-specific deadlines. Anyway, here's the chapter, please enjoy!

The bridge wasn't exactly full of bots. In fact, it seemed it was just him and Soundwave there at the moment.

Honestly, Starscream was thankful for that. Soundwave wouldn't speak to him unprompted.

Well, Soundwave wouldn't speak when prompted either. After that accident which necessitated a full-frame rebuild... 

and rendered Buzzsaw and Ravage unsalvageable...

Anyhow, Soundwave has taken a vow of silence and Starscream would not complain about that. One less mech to yell at him. Not that the spy ever did, just that he easily could've done so, being their oh-so-dear leader's favourite.

The seeker got up to his usual workspace.

There seemed to be nothing special in the morning report he'd received. The late evening and early morning patrols returned with nothing of signifcance, no Autobots were spotted. The recent medical check-up of all of Decepticon Air Force had finally all results processed and there wasn't anything worth noting there. 

Only his own file was littered with small issues like the damaged voicebox (as if noone ever noticed), or damaged sensory circuits, but these were things that weren't worth repairing at this point, nor would Megatron approve it.

He was snapped out of potentially treacherous thoughts by the characteristic sound of air being suddenly displaced. It was no surprise when an even more characteristic "Hey, Screamer!" was heard. "Oh and Fly High!" was soon added.

"I'm working, Skywarp," he said as a way of greeting.

"Oh, come on," the black-purple seeker whined. "What could be so time-consuming?"

"Scrap, I don't know, running an army?" Starscream snarled in response.

"Are you commander or the fun police?" Skywarp said, smirking a little.

"One does simply not accuse others of being fun police when Soundwave - the actual fun police - is in the room," Starscream allowed himself the joking tone, a grin of his own pulling at his faceplate.

"Well then," the teleporter said in a tone that screamed 'I'm about to say something you won't like'. "if you're not fun police, then why don't you join my master plan of-" he cut himself off abruptly, as if he just remembered Soundwave's also there. The mech looked like he was distracted, but noone was fooled about The Eyes And Ears Of The Decepticons's attentiveness.

Starscream opened their usually shut off these days sparkbond just to send a wave of 'unimpressed' through. 

He might or might not have caught a glimpse of desperate hope in his trinemate's spark, but if he did, he elected to ignore it.

That thought being locked away in the back of his processor, he received a comm message from Skywarp. .:We are doing an Air Force Movie Night!:. it read, and the another one came in quick succession, saying .:And what's an entire Air Force event without our commander, hmmm?:.

Well, movie nights with his trine had been nice. And Primus knows he'd like a rest like he had usually taken around this time of the vorn.

Had. Past tense.

He took a tired exvent.

"I have a lot of work, Warp," he said, not meeting the other seeker's optics.

"Hey," came the reply. "You're Statscream! Second-in-command of the superior faction. You anwser to noone!" he exclaimed and then added "Well, ok, maybe besides Lord Megatron."

"And, unfortunately, our mighty leader is the one who will suspect me of treachery if I get my work done late. And I already had an argument with him this week! I'm already on his to-slag list," the tri-coloured seeker explained, unable to push the venomous tone from his voice. Not that he particularly tried.

Skywarp practically deflated, his shoulders sagging, his helm lolling forward, his wing drooping. The purple seeker definitively could look pitiable if he wished to. Then again, flight frames were supposedly good at it in general, thanks to their moving wings. Of course, Starscream was the best at it, but he couldn't deny that denying his trinemate had just gotten smidge harder.

"Skywarp!" came Megatron's voice calling. The seeker in question straightened on instinct.

But there was no warlords in the room, only Soundwave playing back the mech's voice.

"Pit, Soundwave, chill, I'm leaving, yeah?" he said, putting his servos up platacingly. "See ya', Screamer!" he added before disappearing in a flash of purple light.

Starscream exvented audibly and muttered something along the lines of 'thanks' towards the communication officer as he got back to his work.

It appears he had gotten another official message when Skywarp had been bothering him.

It was from... Ionstorm.

...Which one was that again?

Well, it surely had to be one of the sergeants, because that's what the bot signed himself as. He was probably stationed on Cybertron this first rotation, too, because the letter was written in formal Tarnish, without any Earth slang woven in-between, like many of them did here. 

There were five seekers with sergeant rank, so this shouldn't be hard. Obviously, his trinemates are out, he knows their names for millennia. He also wouldn't forget Ramjet for a few days (he still couldn't get over the fact he had tried to trine with the dolt). So there were two left, the femme and the blue one. And since the mech used war-caste pronouns for himself, well, that left only the blue one. He probably should learn their names better.

It took him a few kliks to realize that in his thinking he forgot to analyze the actual text of the message.

Alright, it was a request... for a trine ritus between him and Acidstorm and Novastorm? Are they really this young-?

Anyhow, Starscream had nothing against it. Trined seekers fly together better, so if they were sure, he wouldn't deny.

The commander wrote a short 'your request has been accepted' and looked around. Still no mechs to be found, but there probably will be in a few kliks.

"STARSCREAM!" came Megatron's trademark bark. But, once again, it was not truly the warlord, but merely a playback from Soundwave's vocoder. Despite knowing that, the seeker still shivered slightly.

"Yes, Soundwave?" he asked, obviously fake politeness oozing from his words.

To that, the silent mech tilted his head to the side and played Skywarp saying "Fly High," from a few kliks ago.

"Oh, uh, that's just a holiday traditional greeting. From Vos," he superficially explained.

"holiday," Soundwave played his word from just nanokliks before.

"The Trining," Starscream elaborated slightly. "Look it up. You have all the database, don't you?"

After a moment, the silent mech nodded with acceptance and turned back to his work station.

The Second-In-Command hoped that'd be last time he'll hear about it this vorn.

\---

"Hey, Star," his trinemate greeted as he passed the tri-coloured seeker on their way through the air barracks.

"Thundercracker," Starscream replied in a way of greeting without turning to the mech.

"Uh, I have a question," he asked in a way that definitively didn't raise any suspicion whatsoever. "Who is technically the highest ranking seeker?"

Starscream didn't even need to say 'is this even a question?' with the look he was sending the blue seeker.

"Right," came the awkward reply. "And after you?"

The commander sighed. He was tired after the whole day and really not in mood to remind his trinemate of the current hierarchy. Which he should know like the back of his hand!

"According to Lord Megatron, it is Ramjet," Starscream explained. "But you and I and all seekers know it is not how it works. You're second, Skywarp's third, then goes Ramjet," he went over it quickly. "Why are you asking? Was Ramjet demanding you to report to him again? If he was, tell him to-"

"No, no," the blue mech cut him off. "Nothing like that. Just, you know, it was a great honor for the Winglord to see a trine's trine ritus and, well, three youngling mechs are having theirs tommorow and-"

"Yes, you have higher status and they should want to get you to listen," Starscream cut off this time. 

They both knew this wasn't the true question Thundercracker had in mind. But Starscream would sooner extinguish than think about the past again this cycle, and Thundercracker did not want to get Starscream any more upset than he already was (which meant his-circuits-are-ready-to-fry levels of upset).

Their gazes locked for a nanoklik. It felt like Thundercracker was trying to find something in his optics. There was only icy exhaustion in there.

"I'm going to my quarters," Starscream announced and turned - chin high, back straight, servos folder over his chassis, wings in a high, dominant position - and walked straight to the place where mechs wouldn't bother him anymore.

\---

Second cycle in a row, Starscream woke up abruptly, all systems online instantly.

...Not this scrap again.

"I swear," the seeker began mumbling. "I don't care if you're sent by Primus or my imagination or whatever else, if I see Sky in this room again, I will personally find a way to-" he stopped himself, when instead of an oddly warm-looking shuttle, there stood the cold and silent Soundwave. 

Except he had two 'faces'-- yikes.

They just... stated at eachother for a moment. 

Starscream was beyond annoyed at this point, so after mere nanokliks he snapped "Just because you LOOK like Soundwave, doesn't mean you can't speak!"

Horrifyingly, the thing's head did a 360-degree turn as both faces seemingly regarded him.

For a second there was silence.

And suddenly, it spoke, and it sounded like a hundread voices woven together into one. "I AM THE GHOST OF TRINING PRESENT," it stated. The sheer power of its words sent a shiver through Starscream's innermost protometal.

He took a deep vent and stood his ground. The shock of seeing whatever the Pit a 'ghost' is had lost its novelty about a cycle ago. He barked "And what do you want? Because I sure as Pit want to rest."

The thing's head turned around, the other face now looking at him.

It walked up to him and put a servo on his shoulder. Nothing was more unnerving than the reserved (and way too loyal to Megatron) Soundwave getting this close into his personal space.

_'You try to forget your pain by inflicting it onto others.'_

It was in his head, but it was not his own thought. Most importantly though, it was wrong.

_'Then why were you angry with everyone today?'_

The audacity! He had been tired and tried to keep his mind off of...

_'The past?'_

"This proves nothing!" Starscream shrieked at the Soundwave-like entity. "And besides," he added. "They all understand my situation. Why does it matter if I'm a little snappy?"

Once again, the mech's helm turned around. This one spoke out loud. From his voicebox, there were hundreads of voices, all speaking over eachother, turning words into gibberish. It was nauseating to try to catch anything.

Yet, slowly some of the voices faded out. There were less and less of them, and each of them became more and more comprehensible.

Then there was only one. Dead silence and the very familiar voice talking "Eh, you know how Star is. Stubborn."

"Stubborn and a jerk," another deeply familiar voice replied. "He behaves like he's above us. So what that he's commander? He's trine first and foremost!"

"Calm down, 'Warp," the first voice said placatingly.

"Calm down my aft," the other grumbled. There was a brief pause before he added "Sometimes it feels like he doesn't give a single frag."

The room was full of suffocating silence.

Is this what his trinemates think of him? 'Stubborn jerk'? 'Doesn't give a frag'? Why was it like this? Why was HE like this? Real stupid piece of scrap, he was supposedly a genius and yet he didn't notice right until someone literally shoved in his face! No wonder they'd hate him. He'll just lose everything all over again--

' _Then show how you actually feel.'_

Starscream did not know when the thing switched faces again but it did. Being Soundwave, it had no visible optics, but the seeker could tell it was staring into his very spark anyway. At least it stopped his previous train of thought.

"I do!" he retorted. "The only thing I lie about is how many times I've entertained the thought of snuffing out Megatron's life."

' _You are a narcissist, Starscream. You miss love, so you demand it of others and assume they feel it, no matter how selfishly you act._ '

...

Ridiculous thoughts trying to trip him into feeling bad! He will not give into such nonsense.

"That is untrue and I am perfect," he denied. Whether it was to the 'ghost' or himself was up to debate. "They think that way because they are broken by the war. Everyone is, there is no more innocence in this World."

Instead of anwsering, the thing lifted one of its tentacles. Starscream sent a questioning look.

Its faces swapped places once more and the collective of many voices spoke again "YOU NEED TO SEE."

No more warning had been given before the appendage inserted itself into Starscream's medical port and his visual feed faded to black.

When it came back on, they were on an island near the site where the Nemesis had crashed. It seemed whoever had come here had toppled the organic muck native to the planet to make a big, open area. And that someone had had to be none other than Skywarp and Thundercracker, as they were standing in the middle of it.

And they were talking to some other seekers...? Ah, one of them is the sergeant... what was his name again? Ion...stomp? No, Ionstorm. Maybe. No matter.

He walked up closer. By how noone was pointing blasters at him in surprise, he guessed he's imperceivable again.

"So basically, it's the trineleader's goal to catch their intended," Skywarp said nonchalantly.

"And we try to run away?" asked a young, green seeker.

"Yep!" the teleporter confirmed.

"But... why would we?" the last bot present, a yellow femme, questioned. "We already know we want to be trine and there's no other seekers to choose from."

"Well, by catching you, a mech proves he's worthy of leading you," Thundercracker explained, a little sheepishly. He never believed that to be proof, Starscream knew, but it was what tradition said.

Has he ever proven worthy in TC's optics?--

Oh, Pit, why is he asking! He obviously has!

Back in the real World, the three young seekers got ready to take off.

"Are you ready, mechs?" the yellow one asked, almost giddily.

"Yeah!" the green one exclaimed, while Ionstorm nodded firmly with a grin in confirmation.

And thus, the three shot off into the sky.

They swirved and twirled in the air, leaving trails behind them and scaring away the local organics with their engines roaring in a playful manner. Even though he could not see their faces, he could tell they were smiling. Just like young mechs who take part in the Trining Flight for the first time.

Ionstorm chased after the other two, who clearly worked together to make it harder for him. Smart usage of them being together already. It reminded Starscream of how he and Skywarp lured Thundercracker into being stuck between them. And how, despite all the serious-looking strategizing the night before, enacting it had felt extremely fun and spark-warming. And these three... they looked as if they were having just as much fun. Despite being the only three mechs partaking in this flight. Despite being the last three seekers (in the Decepticon ranks, at least) to have never had a trine. It gave him a weird fuzzy feeling somewhere deep in his spark.

Starscream spun on his heel and strode back towards the 'ghost'.

"Take me back," he demanded.

It tilted its helm questioningly.

"Just do it!" he exclaimed impatiently. "You're not my therapist," he barked and then added "Especially that I don't need one."

It nodded once and... 

...suddenly, he snapped back into real consciousness. Infuriatingly, he could not move yet. Curse his glitches, curse his damaged body, curse Megat--

There we go!

He got up as soon as he could, even if it made his processor spin for a moment.

He went straight for the exit hatch and flew out towards the nearby island. It wasn't hard to find, considering the amount of jet trails in the air above it.

He tried to fly as close to the tree line as possible, not to bump into the young fliers still in the air. No sooner had he reached the artificial clearing, he dived down and landed with almost theatric grace.

"Screamer!" Skywarp explained in surprise.

"I know, I know, this is dangerous if the 'Bots spot us, but please don't break them up, just-" Thundercracker panicked, but was cut off by his trine leader.

"I won't," he said firmly. "I'm not cruel, am I?" he added, unable to keep the venom out of him voice.

"I mean..." the teleporter trailed off and Starscream felt like someone stuck a needle in his sparkchamber. It seems he must've accidentally projected that into theor bond, as Skywarp's optics brightened slightly in surprise, and then he looked away guiltily.

"That's very good, Star," the blue seeker said placatingly to the both of them. He was quite used to defusing conflicts between his two trinemates.

Just then, Ionstorm landed, holding the other two's servos firmly.

"I did it!" he said giddily, all three of them unable to hols back excited grins.

Thundercracker attempted to step forward and lead their ritus, but his trineleader blocked the way with his wing. It seemed like he was about to say something, but before he could, Statscream asked "Wouldn't it be nice if the highest ranking seeker oversaw this?"

Both of his trinemates froze in place as the Second-In-Command straightened his back and wings, folding his servos behind his back, chin held high, steps almost theatrical.

He stopped right in front of them and looked Ionstorm in the optics.

"Ionstorm," he began speaking, hoping he hadn't gotten the mech's name wrong. "who do you wish to trine with?"

"Novastorm and Acidstorm, uh, commander," the sergeant said. Nervous, but the happy kind of nervous.

He turned his head to the green seeker and sent a quick prayer to Primus he's guessing correctly that this is "Acidstorm, do you wish to trine with Ionstorm and Novastorm?"

"I do," now confirmed Acidstorm said so meekly, definitively intimidated by Starscream's presence. No wonder, since it might've been the first time they were directly talking with one-another.

He then turned to the femme. "Novastorm," he spoke. "Do you wish to trine with Ionstorm and Acidstorm?"

"I do," she replied, happiness almost oozing from her voice.

"Kneel," he commanded and when they did, he added "And repeat after me. Mindful of the tradition."

"Mindful of the tradition," all three said unison.

"I promise," he continued.

"I promise."

"To fly with my trine through warm breeze and freezing storms."

"To fly with my trine through warm breeze and freezing storms."

"To protect them from harm."

"To protect them from harm."

"And love them through it all," he almost whispered the last line, glancing at his trinemates behind him. He sent quick pulse of _love/affection/sorry_ and turned back to the young seekers.

"And love them through it all." they finished.

He took a deep vent and declared "As the Acting Winglord, I give you my blessing to become a true trine. You may now connect your sparks."

The three got up awkwardly and turned towards eachother, opening up their chassees. Starscream turned his gaze away, for privacy's sake. Baring your spark to someone was quite an intimate gesture and implied a great deal of trust.

They could all see the light of a sparkmerge illuminating the organic muck below them though. Staracream would later deny the scene was kind of moving.

He turned around fully, now facing his own trinemates.

Thundercracker was wiping a stray streak of coolant from his faceplate, the sap.

Skywarp, on the other hand was meeting his optics head on. His expression was unreadable. What was he thinking? Was he happy?

Or was he angry with Starscream? Did he find him just barging in disrespectful? Was he intruding this whole time? Starscream hated uncertainty. He'd rather know someone hates him than guess. If he could just get a peak...

The trineleader hesitantly unblocked his side of the bond.

The feeling rushed in.

_Happy/love/nostalgia... confusion... surprise/excited/anxious/confusion/happy/hurting--_

It's a mess, a confusing mess--

An overwhelming mess--

Starscream shut it off again and fled the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close yet so far, eh? It was tempting to do some catharsis right there, but let's not kid ourselves, Starscream is a mess, and it takes more than one hopeful sight to face years of mistakes head on. He would deny he cared about anything more than status when coming here if he had the chance.
> 
> As to why Acid, Ion and Nova aren't trined yet, well. Headcanon time! I imagined them here as a group of child survivors of the fall of Vos. Decepticons took them under their wing, not trusting one bit the opposition to take care of refugees from the city they had just bombed. Yeah, I know, bittersweet.
> 
> I'm sorry if this had gotten more angsty than you expected. Hell, it's gotten more angsty than I expected. I really hope that's not an issue... 
> 
> Please share your thoughts, be it things you like about it or constructive criticism! I hope you liked it, and see you again next week (I hope so lol)


	4. Trinings Yet To Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this one has gotten quite heavy. Don't worry though, I PROMISE next one will be emotional comfort and fluff!
> 
> I'll warn y'all though, majority of this chapter is a nightmare sequence. And if you've read/watched A Christmas Carol, you know it will be the existential dread kind of nightmare. So yeah, just wanted to make sure you know this one will be heavy.

Avoiding mechs he wanted to avoid was one of the abilities Starscream considered as those that let him survive up to this point.

Coincidentally, combined with rank privilage, it made him able to avoid his trine, or the Rainmaker trine, or any seekers at all for the whole day. He pretty much pulled a Soundwave and actually did all his piled up work for once. 

The downside was, he won't have enough boring work for tommorow. That is, unless Megatron decides to call a surprise meeting and he can prolong it just enough to excuse himself in the evening.

Why was he doing this? Well, of course his army is simply a bunch of idiots. What other reason could there possobly be? Yes, that's right, they were just stupid and he was pissed about their laziness and...

...and he was talking to himself. Primus damn it all. Stupid 'ghosts' putting in his stupid helm some stupid... thoughts.

There was only that one moment in the afternoon when he felt his trinemates poking at him through the bond. First came Skywarp, his presence as per usual reminding Starscream of air buzzed with electricity. He promptly ignored to quick pokes from his energetic trinemate.

Then there came Thundercracker who, rather than throw himself impatiently, was just... there. He just stayed there with his presence that felt like a shy breeze. He didn't find it as refreshing as usual. But he endured. If Starscream was one thing, it was stubborn and, as everyone who knows him would say, once he gets dead set on something, you have better chances surviving a meteor strike than getting him to stop trying. For better or for worse.

And thus, Starscream ignored his trine right up until he went to recharge in the evening. Although he succeeded, it did not mean his pro-social seeker coding was okay with it and didn't make him even more irritated by that time. He would snap at people unprovoked at this point. Or rather, provoked by the fact they dare to exist in his line of sight. He had already yelled at a poor vehicon today for looking at him weird.

And his own coding pissed him off even further, when he lied down in bed and it notified him about no protection while he will recharge. Seekers liked recharging next to other mechs.

He dismissed the notifocation from his HUD irratedly. He would not be sleeping with his trine tonight.

Or the next night, probably. But they'll move past this awkwardness (which Starscream obviously didn't feel at all!). It'll go away on it's own. Eventually.

Right?

He promptly engaged his recharge protocols manually. Just nanokliks later, he was out.

\---

...or was he?

There was a fog over his processor. He couldn't quite tell what exactly was happening.

But surely, he was in his quarters on the Nemesis. He either woke up or is... dreaming again? Maybe? 

Thinking was... hard.

He got up without a second thought and walked up to the door. 

There was some vague feeling of dread hanging over him, but he could not quite place it. He didn't like the feeling.

Very lightly, he opened the door. 

On the othet side stood a big, shadoey figure. Emphasis on big, it was the size of Optimus Prime or Lord Megatron. Or maybe even taller? It was hard to think...

But... he knew one thing - whatever it was, he did not want to confront it. As such, he shut the door. Yes, no more pesky... things entering his space.

He walked over to his improvised lab table to do some more passion project. 

But, as he looked on, there were no chemical compunds or mechanical parts on his table. Instead, there lied a damaged by time holocube. It's image was flickering. It depicted himself, Thundercracker and Skywarp, as they stood under the grand building of the Iacon Academy, all grinning. Starscream remembered this selfie they took. It was when he got accepted to the school, despite not being the right caste to study anything outside of war strategies. This was... a nice memory. Although he did not remember leaving the cube here. Why would he have this cube in the first place? It's not like he needed a picture to remind him of his trine, he saw the glitches every day!

The weird sense of dread fell over him again. For a klik, he was extremely still. Not even venting. Just sitting in his chair, holocube in hand, even optics not shifting from where they have been.

Suddenly, the something banged at the door. 

First mildly, then more and more insistant, nigh-breaking down the door. And yet, he could not move beyond curling up and clinging onto the display device like his continued function depended on it. He tried think but it just... didn't work. It didn't work, he's stuck, he'll die, everyone'll die--

It actually broke down the door.

The shadowy figure walked slowly towards him. Horrifyingly, it was inching closer and closer and just too close.

He somehow regained control of his body and sprinted for the doorway the thing just left. He may or may not have knocked over some stuff, but he could hardly spare processor for that notion. He had his spark in his chamber and the holocube - why did it matter? - clutched safely in his taloons.

He sprinted down the corridor, further and further down.

He could hear the shadowy thing's footsteps behind him.

He sped up. He was almost tripping over his own heels.

But the hallway seemed to just drag on and on and on...

The footsteps got louder. Closer.

Starscream transformed into his alt-mode and zoomed through the hall using his thrusters.

It was still getting closer. How was it still getting closer? There was no escape, it will catch him and it will slag him and he will deactivate and--

And it caught him. Its servos were cold and unforgiving and crushing his internals with no effort at all.

There were vague, fuzzy warnings springing up on his HUD, which he could not read.

He tried to turn around and look at the agressor, but he could not spot it, despite its claws holding his shoulders tightly, overwhelmingly strongly.

More warning littered his vision. He tried dismissing them. Nothing happened. He tried again. But still, nothing happened. Soon, all he could see was a mess of red glyphs he could not read, then it faded into black.

...

His optics snapped open.

Around him was a jungle- How did he get here?

But no looming shadow, so he might as well lie down for a bit...

He brought his servo to his faceplate, inteding to rub it tiredly, but that's when he noticed the tips of his claws weren't blue - they were gray.

Gray like a dying mech.

Scrap.

_Scrap, scrap, scrap scrap scrap scrapscrapscrap--_

He shot up, looking himself over. There seemed to be no lethal wounds. Pit, there seemed to be no scratches! And yes, the grayness on his fingers and heels and wingtips seemed to be spreading.

He clearly needed a medic.

He got up and walked through the jungle. He had no direction, yet this seemingly random path he followed felt right. He frequently tripped over the filthy organic muck, but he did not stop. He was fighting against time, afterall. His limbs wer still graying out. Half his wings were gray. Legs up to his knees were gray. Arms up to his elbows were gray. At least he somehow didn't loose his movement capibilities in them.

In the distance, a wrecked Cybertronian ship was looming.

It looked abandoned. 

_Lonely_.

He walked towards it, now with a goal in mind. Somehow, that goal was all he could spare processor power for. 

Trying to think of anything else was just filling his mind with static anyway. There was nothing outside of himself and the wrecked ship. Not the cuboidal object clanking in his subspace, not the slag that was getting into his pedes' seams. Him. The wreckage. The distance between them.

He did not know how long it took to get there. He did not have processor to spare to check his chrono.

There were no medics on site. In fact, there was no bot on site. Wait, why did he want a medic?

Think, Starscream, _think_!

Gray... something with... graying. Graying! He was graying like a dead mech!

He looked down to see only the center of his chassis - right over his spark chamber - in its usual cherry red colour. The red was bland gray.

And yet, he did not feel like he was dying. No pain or discomfort. Just a bit of fuzziness in his processor. Perhaps, just perhaps, he should give in.

...But giving in was scary. 

Lacking control was scary.

He could see the shadowy figure staring at him in the distance. He felt chills go down his struts. It did not speak, but Statscream just knew it was telling him to let go.

He took a deep vent.

Took a deep vent and accepted his fate.

...

And his body wasn't his anymore, as it moved without his command.

He slumped and sighed.

"Stupid Autobot scum, stupid Megatron, stupid fleshlings," came from his voicebox.

He reached into his subspace, from which he pulled out the slightly broken holocube. He turned it on amd felt a sad smile pull at his faceplate.

He walked over to the main computer and placed the holocube in an unused corner of the console, his optics lingering on it a nanoklik longer, before staring the system.

He looked at the date in the corner of the screen. It was third day of The Trining. The Day Of Threes. The day you were supposed to spend with your trine.

His fingers opened a file that contained all petsonnel records and searched by frametype. Searched for seekers only.

Weirdly, Dreadwing and Starscream were at the very top of the page.

'Starscream  
Status: Functioning  
Rank: SiC; Air Commander [all currently suspended]  
Height: 10.6 meters  
Frametype: Seeker'

Nothing interesting. Besides the photo attached showing him in a gray paintjob.

But all thoughts about that fizzled out of his processor when hus fingers got to scrolling down.

A long list of seekers.

He recognized many of those names: Acidstorm, Dirge, Ionstorm, Novastorm, Ramjet, Slipstream, Sunstorm, Thrust...

All of them had 'Status: Deactivated' next to their designations.

And at the end of the list stood two most familiar names.

'Skywarp  
Status: Deactivated'

...no...

'Thundercracker  
Status: Deactivated'

 _No_!

They were dead.

No, no, no no no no... they cannot be dead.

There should be no reality in which he is alive and they are not.

Trine is trine, trine is forever. Forever!

He absently registered the streak of coolant on his faceplate, but he could not care less.

Skywarp and Thundercracker could not possibly be dead with him being alive!

Who would have his back on the battlefield?

Who would preen his wings in the wash racks with such great care?

Who would he talk out his frustrations to?

Who would he sleep in a pile with?

...Who would _be there_ for him?

And then the thought struck him, that they probably didn't even have a goodbye.

Most casualities in war were in battle. Before battle, they usually just teased eachother lightly. Or said nothing at all. Or were straight up fighting.

They might've died, the last their conversation with their trinemate being a petty argument.

The thought was really crushing. They will, most likely, not have infinite time. They're at war and they go to battle and they might die.

And he just wastes the maybe limited time they have like a _stupid, selfish, screwed in the processor, pit-spawned, glitch--!_

\----

Starscream snapped back into reality.

His trademark determination burned at one direction to go in when his systems reboot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, good thing he woke up from this one. Once again, sorry for all the ANGST. Next chapter will be happy, I swear! 
> 
> Hhh, hope you enjoy this type of angst though.
> 
> See you on Christmas, folks!


	5. And They Say Starscream's Spark Tripled In Size That Day

So turns out he will be sleeping with his trine tonight, who knew?

Starscream marched through the air barracks to the quarters he used to share with the two mechs.

He didn't even knock, just overrode the lock with the fact he's higher rank. On second thought, that probably doesn't scream "I'm sorry" (Starscream would later deny he even remotely felt sorry) terribly well, but whoops, too late to turn back now.

He strode into the room, not looking his trine in the eyes. He wasn't even sure they woke up, though, since they said nothing either.

Maybe that was better though? He could initiate recharge here and just have them wake up with him, as if nothing was wrong, and they would hopefully skip the part where he has to talk about weakness. 

Because loving someone WAS a weakness. To the Decepticons, at least. And to all insubordinates ever. If Megatron ever decided to slag Thundercracker as Starscream's punishment, he doubts he could ever--

"...Screamer?"

 _Frag_.

Skywarp's voice was groggy, still rebooting from recharge, but he was definitively awake. And Thundercracker's optics were flickering online, too.

Definitively no turning back now.

"Ugh," the black-purple seeker groaned. "Don't tell me we have a night shift and I forgot."

"No, we don't," he replied, his voice very quiet for once.

"What is it then?" Thundercracker asked, carefully neutral.

"Don't tell me you finally lost your marbles enough to try assassinating Lord Megatron," Skywarp added, only half-joking.

"What? No, why would I do that?" Starscream questioned, his volume climbing up to his trademark screech. But then he stopped himself, took a cooling vent and explained "I came to spend the night with my trine."

His optics were shut offline. He tried to look confident about this. Emphasis on tried. He couldn't even look at them while making his request, how pathetic. But at the same time, he'd rather not see them laugh him off.

"Wow," Skywarp finally replied in a quite mocking tone. "Primus bless your seeker coding for making you want to spend time with us."

The amount of venom in his voice felt like a punch to the face to Starscream.

"Warp," Thundercracker already tried to do damage control, more than used to his trinemates having petty fights he has to defuse.

But this was _not_ a petty fight.

"Don't 'Warp' me, TC!" the youngest of the three exclaimed. "You know damn well he couldn't have really changed. He never does. He'll satisfy his coding and frag off for the next three vorns until he needs it again."

The words stung. No, stung was an understatement. Starscream felt as if someone stabbed a needle into his spark. This really was what his own trine thought of him. He was a piece of scrap metal. Not just to the Autobots, not just to Megatron, not to just his subordinates. No, the mechs that were supposed to be the closest to him. They hated him and it was his own fault and they'll _never fix it and he'll be functionally trineless and die alone and--_

He must've projected his trainwreck of thoughts into the trinebond, because he felt a pulse of _calm/love/sorry_ coming from Thundercracker.

Hesitantly, his optics blinked online.

Both seekers were staring at him. Thundercracker looked worried, but that surprised noone. (Ok, it didn't surprise Starscream in retrospect, but in the moment...) And Skywarp... Skywarp stared dumbfounded.

"...Screamer," he finally uttered, not breaking optic contact.

"Look," Starscream said before anyone could add anything else. "I know you probably don't want to have anything to do with it. Honestly? I get if I've been an afthead enough that you resent anything I say on principle," he continued, pretending his voice wasn't filling with static. "It's just that I realised this is not how trines are supposed to be and I can't just wait for it to fix itself, so I might as well try," he trailed off and sighed. He added, uncharacteristically quietly "But I guess I've waited too long as it is."

He didn't want to meet their optics. He didn't want to look at them, or their blasted quarters. Or this blasted ship. Or himself. Or anything at all. He turnes on his heel with as much finality in his posture as he could muster and started walking towards the door.

He was stopped by strong servos gripping his chassis, right after a characteristic flash of violet light. The tri-coloured mech flinched (oh scrapscrapscraphe'sgonnnaslagme), but when he realised the grip is not aggressive, but, in fact, friendly, he melted into it, as his coding rewarded him with pulses of comfort.

And he realised he had kept the bond open, too, now feeling similar relief flowing through all three of them.

But there was uneasiness underneath. How could there not be, afterall?

After the initial nanokliks of bliss that uneasiness resurfaced. The difference being, now they all felt it together, not separated. And, surprisingly, they all thought along the lines of 'I should've done something sooner'.

"I shouldn't have pretended you're both fine," Thundercracker broke the silence.

"You have the least to apologize about," both Starscream and Skywarp said at the same time. Briefly, they looked at eachother with giddiness bubbling up in their sparks. And it was almost contagious when their chassees were literally touching, too.

But, of course, it quickly dwindled out. This issue was not going away on its own.

"Look, Screamer- Starscream," Skywarp began, suddenly finding the ceilling very interesting. "I obviously can't just forget what was happening for the past vorns. And I doubt TC can either, he's just better at ignoring impulses than either of us could ever hope to be," he added, mildly amused at his own comment. "And," full seriousness returned uncharacteristically quickly for the purple seeker. "I doubt you can forget it either, considering your, uh, near panic shutdown. But..." he trailed off and took a cooling vent. "I believe we can and should try."

There was a thoughtful silence. Starscream, internally, was growing happuer each passing nanoklik. This is what he'd been hoping for. Another chance. Well, no, maybe he would've liked an insta-fix, but even he knew that's unrealistic. Really though? This was good. This was very good. And going by what was floating around in their bond, the others saw this as a happy ending too.

"Wow, Warp, that's the most intelligent things I've heard you say in one day," Starscream settled on teasing, playfully smirking at his trinemate. He didn't need to verbally reply, afterall. They knew from his side of the bond he liked that perfectly well.

Skywarp chuckled. He'd missed casual banter. Starscream did too. 

"Look out, Starscream semi-complimented someone, Unicron must be awakening," Skywarp replied and the commander laughed. Not cackled evilly, or mocked, he genuinelly laughed. At his own expense! He'd say a deity really must be awakening, but considering last three nights, this would not even be a joke to him anymore.

Thundercracker was lightly chuckling too, but he did cut them off after a klik or two, saying, "Ok, ok, I'm glad you're on joking around terms, but we do have a morning patrol tommorow, so let's go back to recharge, yeah?" He really was the caretaker-friend in their trine.

Skywarp groaned, but Starscream only kept smirking. Both were looking at his lack of disdain now.

"What?" he inquiered. "Did you forget who you're trined to?" he said, straighteningbout his back, wings and chin high - the 'commander' mode on. 

He opened his High Command Channel and, with a mischievous smirk, spoke "Soundwave, notify Blitzwing his patrol has been moved to today's morning shift."

In the background, Skywarp exclaimed 'Pit yeah!' as he threw himself onto the berth.

It took only a quick exchange with Soundwave to trade their morning shift for Blitzwing's afternoon one. If Soundwave was suspicious of the sudden change, he didn't comment on it. He could probably tell what was going on anyway, that damn telepath.

When the call had ended, Starscream bowed overdramatically, joking "You may now adore your commander."

Both of his trinemates chuckled and Skywarp exclaimed "That's my trineleader, alright!"

With an overblownly (even by Starscream's standards) dramatic stride, he got on front of the berth. He was about to throw himself in between them, landing with his servos behind his head for additional smugness, but-

He hesitated. He knew it was too late and they felt it already, but he kept his expression controlled anyway. It was more for his own comfort at this point.

"Have I earned my place in the cuddle pile?" he said. He made it sound like a joke. Deep down, they all knew it wasn't fully a joke.

"Star, you-" the blue seeker began, surprised at the question. "You don't have to 'earn your place' in our shared space."

"Except not being an afthead," Skywarp added hastily. He, too, tried to play it as a joke, but it was obvious he was dead serious.

"Which right now you are not," Thundercracker reassured and pulled Starscream's servo to encourage him into the berth. He accepted without second thought.

The three were now lying in the shared berth - Thundercracker in the middle, laying on his side. From his left, Skywarp was spooning him, one pede draped over Thundercracker's, and the heel even over Starscream's own pede. Starscream, who was lying on Thundercracker's right, and thus meeting his optics, was lightly touching him with his knee-joints and holding the blue seeker's servos.

Starscream wasn't being particularly touchy with either of them right now, especially compared with how the two were close with eachother.

But that was fine. Sparkling steps.

And besides, Starscream would bet it'd be awkward anyway if they were extremely close right now.

The feeling of being close to his trine though was there. Coding and spark satisfied with their warmness - both the frames' physical heat and their presence in his very spark.

Sure, it wasn't full bliss. Underneath the contentedness was lingering hurt, doubts, uneasiness. But there was also hope. Hope that their trine will be functional again. That was most important.

It didn't take the three seekers long to fall into recharge.

And, thank Primus, Starscream didn't have any unexpected ghostly visits this time around.

\---

Starscream slowly faded into consciousness the next morning. 

The first thing he was aware of was the two familiar sparks nearby. Which made sense, since it's his physical frame that's been damaged, not the very essance of his being.

Then, slowly, his sensornet came online and there was an almost crushing weight on top of him, with something that felt suspiciously like a cockpit pressing into the slightly more sensitive mesh of his lower midsection.

Finally, his optics came online and, yep, Skywarp was on top of him. One thing he supposed he didn't miss was the fact that Skywarp tended to move in his recharge. Alot. It wasn't the first time this happened and (hopefully) not the last.  
Beside him was lying Thundercracker, having squeezed his helm in between Skywarp's neck and Starscream's cockpit.

No matter how long they hadn't done it, it still felt... _nice_. Primus damm his primal coding. Or maybe Primus bless. He would not admit it, but deep down he agreed with his processor. This was comforting.

A klik or two passed in quiet contentment, before Skywarp flicked one of his wings and nanokliks later onlined his optics.

The purple seeker seemed confused for a short moment before giving a small smile and greeting with a soft voice "Hey, Screamer."

"Hello, Skywarp," Starscream replied. This is another thing he hadn't done in a while. This type of relaxing and doing nothing, especially with a company. 

He lasted only half a klik before speaking up "I'm, uh, sorry." He didn't say those words often, but now that he did, it was like a dam broke. "For being too stubborn to admit I did wrong. I've never been the one to give up on what I believe easily, even if it's stupid, but... Just! Ever since Megatron's been doing his thing I just... can't stand admitting being wrong," he finished, quietly, not meeting his trinemate's optics. "It's like my logical faculties offline the moment I settle on an opinion."

There was an awkward klik of silence. Starscream absolutely hated it. He hated talking about his feelings, being truthful, admitting he'd done wrong and awkward silences.

He could feel in the bond that Skywarp was thoughtful, but not much beyond that. He's really gotten out of shape when it comes to any usage of the bond besides keeping it shut, hasn't he?

"We've all got some bad habits, Star," the purple seeker finally responded, using the more affectionate nickname he almost never spoke. "Just try to fight them, alright?"

The trineleader nodded silently in agreement.

There was a klik more of silence before Skywarp broke out with a grin and remarked "Hey, look, we had a 'real talk' without needing TC to mediate."

"Maybe that's a sign you finally stopped being a sparkling," Starscream teased.

"Hey, just because I'm the youngest doesn't mean I'm a sparkling!" the purple mech exclaimed, mock-offended. Then he added "You're a sparkling."

"You're both sparklings," Thundercracker muttered, not having even moved yet.

All three chuckled in amusement.

They missed this.

\---

To noone's surprise, Starscream walked into the brigde a few kliks late. He almost always did so, more often than not just to spite their mighty leader.

To everyone's surprise though, Thundercracker and Skywarp marched in right behind him.

And since Megatron was not there at the moment to question it, and almost everyone else present was several orders below him, it was Soundwave to tilt him helm in inquiry.

"What is it, Soundwave?" he acknowledged as he got to his usual work station, only glancing at TC and Warp settling in the corner, reading some kind of human literature.

Soundwave pointed at the two seekers in the corner.

"It's Day Of Threes, so I'm spending it with them," he said off-handedly and then added "And besides, wouldn't you feel better having your bonded close by during boring and tiring work for once?"

Soundwave did not reply or even give an indication he had heard. Although all of the minicons did come to the bridge over time and attached themselves to Soundwave.

\---

Needless to say, the Elite Trine only did the absolutely necessary duties today and Starscream bailed them out of the others. 

Thundercracker argued they can't just skip everything and avoid angering Megatron, but Starscream just remarked he's gonna be angry at the smallest thing, so they might as well go all out. Despite still believing in their leader, Skywarp couldn't disagree with that notion.

Given that conclusion, after finishing their _afternoon_ patrol, the purple mech claimed to have a good passtime and warped them back to the shared quarters before either of them consented. Classic Skywarp.

He began rummaging through a drawer of his while explaining excitedly "I've found this thing recently and-"

He cut himself off and looked at Starscream uncertainly. The trineleader resisted feeling awkward about this before rolling his optics and retorting "Oh please, I'm not gonna rat you out." He then paused and added "And I have a secret stache of pre-war Vosian high-grade. Now if I rat you out, you can rat me out back."

The other two seemed surprised, but the bond was telling him it was pleasantly so. And when he thought about it, Starscream could not blame them. He was very mistrusting, wasn't he?

"Okay," Skywarp snapped him back to reality. "A week ago, I was on patrol by myself. While there, I saw a human dumpster, so I decided to rummage through it for fun," he told them while pulling out something out of the drawer. "I found these!" he exclaimed, showing series of tiny discs with things in english written on them. "It's basically an Earthling equivalant of a data slug. And I've checked if they're compatible with Cybertronian decoders- it needs a bit of adjustment, but it works. I had a favour with Scrapper anyway so he made it work. And it turns out these are movies!"

There was a bit of silence. Skywarp was excited, Thundercracker was mildly curious and Starscream was confused.

"So," the trineleader broke the silence. "You want us to watch fleshling movies?" he asked skeptically. Iaconian movies were subpar, he could only imagine what Earthling ones would be.

"I know, I know," Thundercracker was already placating. "You're unsure - I was too at first - but some of those movies aren't half-bad," he assured.

Yeah, of course they would. Everything would be alright in TC's eyes, the sap. Earthlings were so underdeveloped he doubted they could create entertainment--

 _No, stop_ , he was being negative again. He exvented and nodded at Skywarp as a 'go ahead'.

"Alright, so there are three of these new ones," the teleporter moved on. "'A Christmas Carol', 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' and 'Nightmare Before Christmas'," he listed off.

"What's this 'Christmas'?" Starscream asked, his built-in translator not being able to find a Vosian equivalant to the word.

"A human holiday, apparently," Thundercracker said in a way that suggested he looked into it more than he'd like to admit. "From what I've gathered, it's about gathering with your loved ones."

To that, Skywarp's wings perked up. "So it's like the Trining?" he inquiered.

"I guess?" the blue mech replied non-commitally.

Before anything more could be said, the teleporter warped to Thundercracker and then with TC to Statscream, then finally with the two of them to the couch. "We're watching all of them then. It's a movie marathon!" the seeker proclaimed.

At first, Starscream kept up the negative opinion of fleshing media, but half-way through the first movie, he found that when he just turned off thinking it was... kind of relaxing.

Though he did tense when in the second movie there appeared a 'Ghost Of Christmas Past'. The tri-coloured seeker wasn't a particularly religious mech (Sunstorm would fry him if he heard some of the commander's thoughts on holy shtick), but he did say in his processor ' _Primus, if you exist and are behind this, you need to stop being fascinated with organics'._

By the time the third movie was ending, it was nearing end of the cycle and Thundercracker was already recharging, propped up on Skywarp's shoulder - who himself was evidently fighting to keep his optics online.

Starscream exvented softly and leaned back in his seat. The warmth from them being nearby was just as relaxing as it had been in the morning.

And he found it weirdly sweet, too, in a platonic way. Two high-rank warriors, dozing off contendedly during a flesoe movie. Hilarious and adorable.

...

Primus, he really had been an idiot to be mean to the two seekers, hadn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Starscream's spark,  
> it shone so bright,  
> he swore not to destroy them,  
> at least not tonight.
> 
> Okay, okay, I'll stop Transformers Christmas specials now--
> 
> So anyway! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! And Happy New Year! Hope y'all's Christmas is going well so far :)
> 
> So I finally finished this- and truth be told, it was hard psychologically. There were more than one moment where I doubted this is good enough (as if my anxious end notes didn't clue you in lol- I'm such a wreck sometimes, guys). But... I think it's alright. Share your thoughts though! And thank you for reading through this thing!

**Author's Note:**

> "But WrittenInCinnamon, it's November! Why are you posting A Christmas Carol parody-"  
> Shh. The thing is 5 chapters long and to post the last one on Christmas, I gotta start now. Also I'm already seeing Christmas ads, so it's fair-
> 
> ANYWAY, this is an idea I've had a month ago. The second chapter is already in the works. And I plan to post one each week. Hope you enjoy it! ^^


End file.
